Mahdi Posted September 22, 2001 Share Posted September 22, 2001 In an aggressive move this morning, President Bush ordered the deployment ofAir Force squadrons to the areas of Ireland, New England, and Georgia."This is part of our war against terrorism," he stated. "I have meanteverything that I have said. It is time we show these people that Americawill not tolerate terrorism."When asked why those three targets, Colin Powell took the podium. "Dublinis obvious," he stated. "There is clear evidence suggesting that the Irish government and people are harboring IRA bombers that have attacked innocentpeople in Ulster and London.""Carpet-bombing Boston," Powell continued, "Is the logical next stepagainst IRA terrorists. Maybe there are no IRA safehouses or contributionnetworks in Boston, but maybe I'm Nancy Kerrigan. The fact is, we're pretty sure, and we feel confident about airstrikes at this point."Bush also made it clear that these terrorists were "freedom-hating religious fanatics, absolute madmen," from a violent fringe religious group known only to the west as "The Roman Catholic Church." When asked where the RCC's underground headquarters were, Bush responded "Our best guess is somewhere in Italy," but assured that airstrikes would be sent as soon as they had a closer fix on the charismatic leader of the sect.When asked if the airstrikes against Atlanta were also against IRA and RCC supporters, Bush once again deferred to Colin Powell. Powell stated, "The US government has been gathering information on an unrelated terroristorganization in that part of the world for a long time now. This organization has led many terrorist bombings of churches and epidemiclevels of execution-style murders." When asked about the identity of this terrorist network, he said "We believe they call themselves the 'Ku Klux Klan,' or KKK for short. Many of their operatives are associated with the violent fringe religious group known as the 'Southern Baptist Convention'.We believe that they may even have members placed in local governments,and in this case believe saturation bombing to be the best steps for the US to take."When asked if the residents of Dublin, Boston, and Atlanta could doanything to avoid being bombed, Bush appeared frustrated. "Our policy has always been the same. If they don't want to get hit, and get hit hard, they need to turn over these terrorists at once. Otherwise they deserve everything they get." He appeared confused when asked if the terroristswould merely flee to other cities when the airstrikes began, leaving only innocent people in the crossfire.CNN's own Eric Mitton reached one Atlanta resident for comment: "I heardwhat Bush said, and so I got a group of friends together. We knew that the KKK were going to have a rally downtown yesterday, so we grabbed someaxe-handles and decided to go apprehend the terrorist leaders. We thoughtwe could pitch some money together and even fly them to the Hague fortrial. But when we got to the rally, the police pushed us back, giving such excuses as "freedom of speech and assembly," and "innocent until provenguilty." We KNEW these people were guilty! They're part of the terroristnetwork, right? Put the police wouldn't let us get to them. Two of myfriends were even arrested."The resident sadly added, "Well, as long as I can't stop Bush from bombingmy neighborhood, I guess there's nothing left to do but build a bomb-shelter and learn how to fire an anti-aircraft gun."Bush ended his press meeting by stressing that Americans unite and preservesolidarity. "These will be pressing times," he said. "We're going to lose some American airmen, and there will be a lot of collateral damage to the cities surrounding our targets, but America must make a stand in the world community and show that we will not let terrorist acts go unpunished."[A satire by Eric B. Mitton. This is NOT a real press release. If youthought it relevant, please forward it to others. You can contact the author at emitto01@tufts.edu] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alejandro Posted September 25, 2001 Share Posted September 25, 2001 The Paranoial TimesSome kind of insane mind is now looking for all possible terrorist in internet, but that is excesive. Translation of yesterday newspaper:Jaime Fernandez, a young internet user from Valencia is now under investigation from NSA. September 13, he received an e-mail from NSA with a notice that his mail account is now "paralized" because he send some humorous e-mail to 7 friends, in this e-mail there was a picture with the title of Mr Bean Laden, the face of Bin Laden was modified with the Mr.Bean one.....Well, that is a nonsense i have see the picture, Bin Laden looks like an idiot, and i dont know who is the stupid that thinks this is wrong. P.D: NSA has nothing to do here, it is not allowed for an investigation against an Spanish citizen in Spain, they do it because before the terrorist attack they looks like idiots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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