some starwars quotes...funny!

[piterdevries]

t has been a well hidden secret that the original script of Star Wars was explicitly sexual. George Lucas himself even admits to this saying "If I had total control over the script, Star Wars would have taken a more sexual, kinky form." But, thanks to resourceful uncyclopedians, the original manuscript can now finally be revealed.

Here are examples co-producers of Star Wars never intended to be known to the public:

Obi-wan Kenobi was a gay pedophile. The original lines in the cantina were:

Solo: "What's the cargo?"

Kenobi: "Just me, the boy and these two pleasure droids. And no questions asked."

The Death Star was a large sexual torture chamber:

Skywalker: But she (princess Leia) has been scheduled for penetration!

Solo: Better her than me!

Han Solo being worried that the stormtrooper uniform wouldn't conceal his large erection:

Solo: This is never gonna work... I've got a huge hard-on!

Skywalker: You should have jerked off before!

Solo: I DID jerk off before!

Frequent notes on sex with animals, with Solo as the pimp:

Leia: "I'd just as soon fuck a Wookiee!"

Solo: "I can arrange that! You could use a good fuck!".

The Rebel fighters belonged to a sexually depraved sect:

(An X-wing pilot having sex with his co-pilot):

"Almost there...almost there...it's away. Negative. It didn't go in. I just impacted on the surface."

Luke having a threesome with his Rebel counterparts:

Rebel: "Luke, at that speed will you be able to pull out in time?"

Luke: "Get clear, Wedge; you can't do any more good back there!"

Yoda was Luke's sexual teacher, and his genitalia were enormous. Yoda was the active, Luke the passive, unwilling.

Luke: I can't do it. It's too big.

Yoda: Judge me by my size, do you? There is no try. Do, or do not.

Luke: You ask the impossible.

Han and Chewbacca got VERY close:

Han: You've got something jammed in here real good.

Chewie: Growl

Han passing wid during anal sex with Chewie:

"What an incredible smell you've discovered!..."

Leia commenting on Han having sex with Chewie:

Leia: You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!

Han ejaculating in front of Chewie:

"Lick it up, fuzzball!"

Han during a threesome with C-3PO and Chewie:

C-3PO: "Sir, it's quite possible this position is not entirely stable."

Han: "Not entirely stable? Well, I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie, take the professor in the back and plug him into the hyperdrive!"

C-3PO commenting the rough threesome afterwards:

C-3PO: "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."

R2-D2: "[series of beeps]"

C-3PO: "Of course I've looked better!"

The rebels always suspected Luke of being homosexual:

Rebel: It's possible he came through the south entrance.

Luke filmed Han and Leia's sex tapes:

Han: I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?

Emperor Palpatine, showing his large genitals to Luke Skywalker:

"You want this, don't you?"

Jabba was actually Leia's slave.

Jabba: Stop pulling on my chain... (he says this in another language - not subtitled)

Anakin commenting on his wild rape escapade:

"I raped them. I raped them all. Every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women, and the children too! They're like animals, and I raped them like animals!"

Anakin and Obi-Wan fight over sex positions:

Obi-Wan: "It's over Anakin. I have the high ground!"

Anakin: "You underestimate my power!"