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Fed2k Survivor Season 5 (In Progress)


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OOC:  You see, this is why I keep the guest appearance list open. 

"The Old Duners had problems on Day One," said Nema calmly.

"Indeed," said Oppossum, "They're negatively bad in their scuffles."

"Do not use a double negative in my presence," ordered Nema icily to the little marsupial, "An oversized American made car can crush you by accident rather easily."

Day One:

Old Duners Camp

"I'm second to Gob, so I'll take charge," declared Mahdi, "Now we-"

"Excuse me, but who rules the Emp Boards with an iron fist," said Timenn, cutting off the older Staff member.

"Listen Worm," entered Stefan, "We all know I'm the real brains behind everything on this site!  And if you don't believe that, I have part of MarS head from the Dungeon!"

"Hey you know I should've been on Staff," began exatreides.

"No way, I should be moderator of the Frank Herbert's Dune boards," said Dunenewt, interrupting for his favorite gaming subject.

"We should all just unite under my leadership," yelled Mahdi, "I got an A Mark on my King Arthur Paper!"

"You know guys, in this situation Karl Marx would," began Ghosthunter.

"Oh shut up about the old dead man," yelled Dante, joining the rising panic amongst the Tribe, "I swear the Pope, Marx, Bush...is politics all you American idiots think about?"

"Yeah," laughed Ghosthunter.

"And zombies," said extreides, "We need to defend against zombies.  That's the reason they gave us the shotgun in the supplies you know."

Andrew quietly began to gather wood, he at least was concerned about fire and shelter.  Meanwhile the squabbling continued on the other side of the camp.

"Not everything is about zombies," shouted Ghosthunter, "I'm tired of moderating zombies!"

At that moment, a zombie shuffled to the edge of camp.

Darkness Ascending Camp

"So we should probably start organizing," said IxerMan, just making a comment.  It was recieved by a set of nods about the assembled survivors. 

"Oww," said lowzeewee, "I am a hurt young man, and I am unable to defend myself against bears and or any other fiend in this forest!"

It took all of ten seconds for a bear to charge out of the treeline at the 'injured' young man, but within five more seconds Dragoon Knight and King Sard rushed it and with twin swordstrokes, decapitated it.

"Good work," said Arutha, high fiving lowzeewee, "we're eating tonight because it fell for your baiting act."

Good Ol' AK and Ixerman were drawing some more on the dirt, trying to figure out how the camp would be set up.  For dirt drawings it seemed quite complexed, and layered.  Elswhere Kiyouta and DukeLeto were arguing the merits of Socialism.

Day Two

Reward Challenge Site

"Welcome to the reward challenge site," said Oppossum, flanked by some rather fearsome looking men in bright colors with seven foot pikes, "These are Swiss Guards, on loan by the Vatican.  So...Old Duners, how's the camp being set up?"

"We've had some problems," began Mahdi, trying to underscore the reality of the situation.

"Problems," snorted Stefan, "He keeps trying to Lord over us, he is not Gob!"

Through the forests came the chant "All hail Gob!  All hail Gob!" and then after a few seconds it died down.  It seemed there were Gobist rebels in the woods.

"So you've done nothing," said Oppossum with a sigh.

"I gathered some wood," said Andrew, but other than that no."

Oppossum shook his head, and looked at the other tribe, "So...Darkness Ascending...tell me you did better?"

"We've got some good plans," said Ixerman as Arutha nodded.

"We had food," piped up Dragoon Knight, "low acted as bait so King Sard and I could kill a bear."

"We've also started some shelter, but it isn't that developed yet, we've been planning man," said Good Ol' AK.

"You're better off than your opponents then," laughed Oppossum, "Well then.  You're both playing for these matches and lighters as a reward.  Fire, vital to cooking food and steam purifying the water.  It also gives warmth, and drives away predators."

"Like zombies, cuz we found the zombies," yelled exatreides.

"Not zombies," said Oppossum, "There are zombies?"

"Yeah," replied Ghosthunter, "It looked a lot like a decayed Vladimir Lenin."

"Enough with the Marxism," sighed Dante.

"Moving on," said Oppossum, "For this first time it also doubles as an Immunity Challenge.  A battle to the death, so we can forego Tribal Council.  I will randomly select a member of each tribe to do battle to the death with their choice of weapons in the center of this conveniently located sludgy pond with an island."

Timenn was selected for the Old Duners, and Good Ol' AK for Darkness Ascending.  Timenn chose his worm body as a weapon, while Good Ol' AK chose an AK-47.  The two began to circle one another on the island in the center of the sludgy water.

Thunder crackled, and rain poured for a few seconds.  Timenn's armor flaked off, sandtrout scattering.  The rain stopped, and Timenn lunged knocking AK off his feet and onto his own bayonet.  The brave warrior of Darkness Ascending died by his own blade.

"Fire and no casualties," Oppossum announced raising his claws high, "Go to the Old Duners...if they can drag Timenn back to camp."

Day Three

Old Duners Camp

Timenn languished, pained by the loss of roughly half his body, but no one else gave him a glance.  There was a definite lack of gratitude.  Stefan and Mahdi were tying repeatedly at Rock, Paper, Scissors trying to determine a leader for the tribe.  Dunenewt, Ghosthunter, and Dante were arguing politics.  Andrew was building a shelter in a nearby cave, hard at work to have something ready for when snow or rain or high winds hit.  He also had the supplies for fire, and he at least would have warmth tonight.  Exatreides was busy cackling, sharpening pungi sticks for the cave to impale zombies.  Life was...conflicted.

Darkness Ascending Camp

"What a problem," said Ixerman as he worked alongside Arutha and low at setting up the pine log that would form part of the wall of their shelter.  DukeLeto and Kiyouta continued to argue, but were busy expanding the lutrine trench, it was stinky work, but someone had to do it.  Dragoon Knight and King Sard were fighting through the forest, hunting for more food.  Their tribe would not starve.

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"Welcome to another fun filled episode of Fed2k Survivor," announced Nema dryly.

"You wouldn't know fun if it hit you on the head," declared the whiny voiced Oppossum.

"Is that an American Sports Utility Vehicle," asked Nema, and smiled as the marsupial scurried off in panic.

Day Four

Old Duners Tribe

Timenn lay half dead, regenerating his wounds rolling in the dirt saying it was too wet when a ghastly form appeared above him.  It was that of his slain opponnent Good Ol' AK, and the apparittion laughed at him.

"First zombies, now ghosts," cried Exatreides, shooting the apparition with the valuable shotgun ammunition to no effect, "Idaho's crawling with the undead."

"I seriously doubt your sanity," commented Ghosthunter as Dante plucked the gun from the self appointed Undead Expert's hands.

"I have to agree with you for once," said Dunenewt wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Andrew meanwhile, continued to make the cave a nice place to live.  It had a fire pit, some decent wooden doors, and a growing pile of logs for use in the fire later.  He had filled several self carved wooden basins with fresh water.  He had salted the meat from the deer he had killed himself and had hung it in the back of the cave so as not to attract smell.  The rest of the tribe might die due to quarrelling, but he was going to have an alright time. 

Elsewhere in the woods

"I know I saw a Caribou," sighed Mahdi exasperated.

"Sure you did," muttered Stefan, "Some lumberjack you are.  Your avatar lied to me."

"Hey you're not an MCV!"

Darkness Ascending Tribe

The Darkness Ascending Tribe seemed to lack most of the squabbling of their opponents.  Though they had lost a member, it had only galvanized them more into effort.  They had a communal firepit, had roasted bear steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  They were even working on building a wooden wall to keep out the animals, and had low weaving the first of the pine branches for their roof.

Day 5

Video Confessional Old Duners Tribe

Mahdi appears onscreen, with the subtitle "Site Administrator/Slacker/College Student".

"Stefan is out to kill me, the stunt with MarS head proved that.  I miss Timbits, and the highly overpriced coffee of Tim Hortons.  There is no Tim Hortons here."

Video Confessional Darkness Ascending Tribe

King Sard appears onscreen, with the subtitle "Warrior of Great Repute".

"AK died well in battle against a larger opponent, there is no dishonour in that.  However, I fear alliances of trickery are forming around me."

Video Confessional Old Duners Tribe

Stefan appears onscreen, with the subtitle "Staffer/Arrakis Developer".

"I think the stunt with MarS head really scared Mahdi.  Truth be told I bought the mask in Amsterdam and filled it in with plaster."

Video Confessional Darkness Ascending Tribe

Ixerman appears onscreen, with the subtitle "The New Guy".

"Yeah Arutha and Kiyouta and I have this plan, we're going to vote Sard off.  You see he's too strong to face in a death combat thing..."

Reward Challenge Area

"Welcome," said Oppossum, waving his claws in the air, and rubbing his belly, "I hate pine needles in my fur.  Anyhow, today's reward challenge is simple.  In five minutes members of the Patriot Movement will be practicing wargames with tranquilizer darts in this area.  Whoever is the last one standing's tribe will recieve...a crossbow with 150 bolts."

Both Tribes stared at each other, shook their heads as one, and left the area.

"This is a first," said Oppossum as he and the camera crew ran for the waiting helicopter, "We've never had anyone turn down a reward challenge."

Day Six

Immunity Challenge Area

"You are the chosen representatives of your tribes," Oppossum told Mahdi and low from under his cloak and dark robes, "This challenge is not life threatening.  Just enter this Dark Cave and grab the rock shaped like Dubya's brain."

Neither leapt forward, and Oppossum waved a claw, "Good...now let's get on to the real challenge.  The first one of you to fall a tree with an axe wins for your tribe.  Ready.  Set.  Go."

Mahdi leapt forward with an axe like Captain Canuck and felled the tree with one blow, while Kiyouta was only halfway through with several.

"The Old Duners win Immunity," announced Oppossum, "I'll see your tribe at Tribal Council Kiyouta."

Tribal Council Area

"Welcome to Tribal Council," said Oppossum waving to the group as they sat fearfully, glancing about the woods.  Tribal Council was a simple set up, wooden benches, and a small thatch hut to vote in, "Each of you will cast a vote in that hut and put it in the box.  Then I will count the votes.  King Sard, you're first up."

The Nordic Warrior nodded and went to vote.  Then one by one they followed.

Oppossum went and counted the votes after they were done, "First vote...Dante.  Second vote King Sard.  Third vote...Dante.  Fourth vote, King Sard.  Fifth vote King Sard.  Sixth vote King Sard.  Final vote...is King Sard.  King Sard, bring me your coconut torch thing."

Sard did, grudgingly.  he had lost, it was only honorable to not make a scene.  Oppossum put out the torch with a coconut half, despite the fact they didn't grow in Idaho, "The Conclave has...sorry lapsed into our near season of Vatican City, the Tribe has spoken.  Now we made a deal with the Communist Devil so to speak..."

A green beam of light materialized into Edric O, "You will be assimilated.  You will see the follies of Capitalism and Finnish Folk Rock."

King Sard drew his sword and in a single motion sliced the drone in half.  It was a rather anti-climactic moment.  A burst of AK-47 fire ripped through the air toppling King Sard where he stood.

"That would probably be the drug smugglers we're renting this section from," said Oppossum, "You should all go back to your camp now, and reflect upon this second loss."

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Day Seven

Old Duners Tribe

Andrew sat in his cave, well lit by his fire, with a lovely deer skin rug.  The doors were wood, and the pungi sticks Exatreides had created were in the route to it roughly a dozen feet away, with only a narrow footpath unwalkable by shuffling zombies to cross over.

Dunenewt, it seemed, had formed a bond with Exatreides as the two took turns with the shotgun in hunting food and zombies.  Stefan, Mahdi, and the still badly wounded Timenn were arguing who should be leader still.  Dante, was brooding on a rock.  Ghosthunter on the other hand, was trying to tell a tree about Russia and its military capabilities...delirium was beginning to set in for several members of the Tribe.

Darkness Ascending Tribe

The Tribe was engaged in a team effort.  It seemed that it was building a raft, possibly to fish from the river on, or possibly for escape from the evil reality television they were on.  Producers were unsure, but had helicopter gunships ready if it was the latter.

Arutha, kiyouta, and Ixerman were busy chopping wood.  DukeLeto and Dragoon Knight were chatting amiably about how the U.S. government was out of control as they stacked the wood.  low was tying the first logs togther with some vines that had been scrounged.

Day Eight

Reward Challenge Area

"Today's Reward Challenge," declared Oppossum, "is to test your knowledge of Dune.  You may confer as a Tribe, but the first answer from the Tribe will be the only one accepted.  The first Tribe to score three points will win.  Old Duners, who is Kevin J Anderson?"

Mahdi answered quickly, "He's a Star Wars author mainly, who joined with Brian Herbert to write that trash that calls itself Dune Prequels!"

"Correct," said Oppossum, he shifted his gaze, "Darkness Ascending.  What is the meaning of Life?"

"42," blurted one member, hidden by the noise in the background.

"Wrong," said Oppossum, "Old Duners, what is Paul's sister's nickname other than Alia of the Knife?"

"The Virgin Harlot," yawned the wounded Timenn.

"Correct," said Oppossum, switching his view back to Darkness Ascending, "One more point and the Old Duners win reward.  Now, name three other works by Frank Herbert."

"The Dosadi Experiment, The Jesus Incident, The Green Brain, and the Santaroga Barrier," yelled DukeLeto without consulting his Tribe.

"Very good," nodded Oppossum, "Your Tribe has scored, but not extra points for extra books.  If the Old Duners get this question, they'll have the points to win.  Old Duners, who is the Bashar that lead the Bene Gesserit to victory over the Honoured Matres?"

The Old Duners conferred, having been a while since any of them had read Chapterhouse.  Finally Stefan spoke up on behalf of them all, "It was Bashar Miles Teg."

"Correct," smiled Oppossum waving his claws wildly, "The Old Duners win the reward of not having a large amount of fleas loosed upon their Camp."

Darkness Ascending Tribe

"Too hard to get work done," gasps DukeLeto into the camera, "So itchy...hate bugs..."

Around the camp, members are rubbing against trees trying to scratch their backs like a bear would in the wild.

Day Nine

"Welcome to Immunity Challenge," said Oppossum, "This is quite easy.  The first Tribe to hit theclansman1911 with these cream pies wins...can you stop yourselves from eating this delicious...wonderful...sugar..."

There was almost no control as the hungry members of both Tribes plunged forward into their creamy confections.  Only one stood firm, Andrew.  With a warcry startling all gathered, he pied theclansman1911.

"I'll see Darkness Ascending at Tribal Council," said Oppossum, shocked by the savagery of the eating.

Tribal Council

"You've been here before," said Oppossum, "Now vote.  Dragoon Knight, you're up first."

One by one they voted, and then Oppossum counted the votes carefully.  He looked at them with beady eyes, "I'm tired, so I'll just say this.  low's been voted out, give me the torch."

low nodded no and Oppossum sighed, "Fine...our new enforcer after Edric will have to get you to relinquish it.  Sephiroth..."

The legendary one winged Angel of Final Fantasy VII appeared behind the defiant lowzeewee, and withdrew his masamune.  lowzeewee for his part began to balther, "Do you realize your the best FF villain ever!?  And that your sword is named for the legendary Japane-"

A single slice cut the unfortunate Tribe member in half, and the wind from the blade put out the flame in his torch.

"Now go think about what you did to poor lowzeewee," ordered Oppossum.

The Command Bunker

"Sephiroth," asked Nema, "Surely you could have found someone more Dune related?"

"Sorry," said the Casting Director with a shrug, "But Alia and all the Duncans were booked.  Apparently people have these weird dreams that require them."

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  • 3 weeks later...

Day Ten

Old Duners

"Have you noticed how lucky we've been," asked Dunenewt conspiratorally.

"Lucky," snorted Timenn, his bloated Sandworm body still healing.

"Yes lucky," said Dunenewt, "none of our tribe is gone yet.  Three of theirs are..."

"Can we keep it up though," asked Dante quietly, "maybe we should form a voting alliance, just the three of us?"

Timenn nodded, and Dunenewt whispered, "I agree...Europe first!"

"In that case shouldn't we bring in Stefan," asked Timenn, concerned for his fellow Netherlands tribesman.

"No," said Dunenewt, "he's distracting Mahdi."

Meanwhile Mahdi was indeed arguing with Stefan over leadership. 

Elsewhere, another unlikely alliance had formed.  Ghosthunter, Andrew, and Exatreides sat around a fire in Andrew's cave fortress.  They had come to an agreement, Ghosthunter could help Andrew hunt and chop wood for the fire, and Exatreides could fend off the zombies if they came around...or if need be...fellow Old Duners raiding their supplies. 

If need be the three could easily form their own tribe.  They were self sufficient, had enough food to last months, more than just this month; they had the machete and shotgun, with all of the ammunition.  They had the pungi pit outside the cave entrance, and Andrew had begun to create arrows in his spare time.

Darkness Ascending Tribe

Distrust had set in on the Darkness Ascending Tribe.  Plotting and self isolationism was afoot.  All the hard work that had been put in to make their camp a fortress would come to naught without a strong leader to unite them.

DukeLeto and Dragoon Knight were fishing from the raft, silently talking so not even the cameras could pick up what they were saying.  Arutha, kiyouta, and Ixerman were all plotting as they leaned against the wall, recently completed after low's death.

Day Eleven

Reward Challenge Area

"This is a test of the Tribal Address System...beeeep.  Well not really a test, we're cancelling the reward challenge," explained Oppossum from the booming speakers throughout the woods, "It seems that there was an industrial accident when an 18 wheeler carrying toxic chemicals nearly ran me over.  if any of you see a three headed blood sucking deer, please be careful."

Old Duners

With that bad news Stefan and Mahdi took to the trees to argue, hoping the mutated deer couldn't climb them.  Timenn, buried himself in the old dry pine needles, along with his cohorts Dunenewt and Dante, so they would not be seen by the mutant deer.  Andrew, Ghosthunter, and Exatreides sat in the safety of their pungi pitted, wooden doored, cave.  Ex was cradling the shotgun, and Andrew had his bow with the new arrows resting nearby.  Ghosthunter was carrying a weapon in the form of his personal item, all 3 volumes of "Das Kapitol" in one hardcoverred book.

Darkness Ascending Tribe

The bickering had ceased it seemed, for the moment.  The members of the tribe had worked hastily to chop the wood and use vines to tie it together to build a central wooden bunker to hide in.

The Woods

"They just don't understand me," complained the mutant three headed deer to the camera as it used one head to suck the blood of the cameraman, "They think I'm evil or something, just because I suck their blood out of their bodies.  I'm headed north to Canada, screw this show.  Sasquatch will let me move in with him and El Chupacabra."

Day 12

Command Bunker

"How do we have an immunity challenge if we're too afraid to leave the bunker," asked Oppossum, hiding in a desk drawer.

"Simple," said nema, "They're all unabalanced.  Someone will die.  The viewers will be happy at the gratutitous bloodshed, and Sephiroth and I will continue to sip our tea and discuss geopolitical entities."

Old Duners Tribe

Imbalance indeed occurred.  A starving Dante flung himself towards Andrew's cave at the scent of roast bear, only to fall into the pungi pit and be impaled upon dozens of sharpened sticks.

Darkness Ascending Tribe

Still, everyone hid.

Command Bunker-shortly before midnight

"This is Nema, on the TAS, Tribal Address System," said Nema coughing a bit, "I'm pleased to inform you the three headed mutant vampire deer has left the area and moved to Canada.  This was uncoverred via evidence left on film with a cameraman's body.  Sleep well."

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  • 2 months later...

OOC Note:  So '45 found out just now he was moderating a few weeks ago...how'd he do?  Heh, sorry but the math and work situations both took a turn downhill.  I'm done now with Math, and have just explained my being away from the site, so I give you a long overdue update...

Day Thirteen

Command Bunker

"Last time," said Oppossum, "On Fed2k Survivor:  Idaho...Alliances were formed in both Tribes, a mutant three headed deer killed a cameraman, and a starving Dante threw himself at Andrew's cave supplies only to be impaled upon the pungi pit.  It is unfortunate he couldn't learn the IRA is putting down its arms."

Old Duners Tribe

"Think the zombies ate them," asked Exatreides as he rocked back and forth holding his precious shotgun.

"Doubt it," commented Ghosthunter, flipping through Das Kapitol's first volume, "I think the stench in the downwind from Dante's decaying corpse is keeping them away...that and the impaled decaying zombies that came and tried to eat Dante's corpse."

Andrew said nothing, but continued to sit where he was, widdling a yeti.

Dunenewt and Timenn still sat in the center of camp, or rather Dunenewt did.  Timenn was laying about, his sandworm body still healing after the unfortunate water incident.  On the outskirts of the camp, Mahdi and Stefan continued their long and convuluted arguments.

Darkness Ascending Tribe

DukeLeto and Dragoon Knight still had not returned from the river and their raft.  It seemed they were going to stay out there where they had fish, and fresh water.  In fact, a shelter of sorts involving some sticks and leaves had been erected to shield them from the sun.  Elswhere, Kiyouta and Arutha stood with Ixerman behind the safety of the wall, plotting on how to add a new layer and a cause a redirection of the water from the river for drinking purposes.  The latter idea was imperative if they wanted to leave camp as little as possible.

Day Fourteen

Reward Challenge Area

"This," Oppossum declared, "is an easy challenge.  You will all ingest spice beer.  The last to pass out is the winner for their Tribe's reward."

"So what's the reward anyway," asked Ixerman.

"Glad you asked," said Oppossum rubbing his claws together, "The reward is a set of tools, nails, and a rather large amount of rope!"

Everyone's eyes fixated on the little marsupial.  He grinned, his sharp teeth glaring in the sunlight, "Begin."

One hour later

Kiyouta and Ixerman were down.  DukeLeto and Dragoon Knight are still back on the raft in their Tribe area.  Andrew, Stefan, and Ghosthunter are both down as well.

Five hours later

Only Timenn and Arutha remain.  Timenn doesn't seem drunk at all, as if the Spice and the alcohol doesn't effect him.

Eight hours later

Everyone has woken up with hangovers.  Exatreides is ranting about a vision that came to him involving Weapons of Mass Destruction and Cheese. 

Arutha finally succumbs.  Oppossum yawned, "Well that took long enough..."

Almost everyone winced, and Andrew stated for them what was on their minds, "not so loud if you please..."

"Oh I'll be as loud as I want," said Oppossum with a vicious grin, "I enjoy torturing people with hangovers.  Anyhow, Old Duners take your..."

The tools, the nails, and the rope were already gone; so were Exatreides, Andrew, and Ghosthunter.


Day Fifteen

Darkness Ascending Tribe

"Cowards," whispered Arutha at the pair on the raft, "Cowards!  You should have come with us to outdrink them."

There was no reply from the raft, whose inhabitants had most likely not even heard a word.  Meanwhile Ixerman and Kiyouta both slowly dug a trench from the river to the wall.

Old Duners Tribe

"That's it," bellowed Mahdi, drawing a Crysknife and an axe, "I will not suffer your questioning of my leadership any longer."

"Oh sure, you'd have not visitors to this site if it weren't for my Arrakis Game," snarled Stefan, drawing the dreaded...tree limb.

One swipe of the axe severed the tree limb, and Mahdi plowed onward, stabbing the Netherlands modder repeatedly with his crysknife.  With a roar of triumph Mahdi started a victory jog around camp.  Dunenewt stared horrified, Timenn realized a tooth was missing, and the cave ensconced trio...well Exatreides chose that moment to fire the shotgun at what he saw.  He saw a bloody Mahdi charging their cave, and assumed that he had been zombiefied.

Tribal Address System

"This is Nema.  Due to double homocide at the Old Duners Tribe we will not be holding Tribal Council tonight.  Thank you."

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