Dune 2000 revival (attempt)

[DRFsimmsy]

I sent this to about 50 dune players, new and old, a few minutes ago. Thought some of you should see it.

You've received this email, because at one point in your life you used to play a great game called Dune 2000 fairly regularly. The function of this email is to tell you to come back and play again, since usage is dropping very badly, and we will rebuild the clans and the tournaments! Everything is still working fine, as long as the host has Rotorz Connecter.

Generals, Zero Hour, Renegade, Warcraft 3, Starcraft etc... you all know these are inferiour to what made Dune 2000 great. Don't let our game die!!!

So far I've collected approximately 50 emails. So if everyone of you came online during the weekend (say the coming Saturday) then we'd be looking at around 100 users in a single day! (We're currently only averaging about 50 which is why I had this idea).

I will close with a poem from ASItrike and some words of wisdom from TU (tu77a):

Tu's tips and hints:

Well since I am a veteran player I have decided to help and share my winning secretes with other dune players.

This will not only help you be a better player but also a popular person among ur peers.

First off you need to get a game going. You will notice that alot of the times you are in the lobby and nobody will play you even if you ask so the best way to get a game is to tell them you'r the best and tell them they are chickens. If that doesnt work, call them gay and tell then you slept with theyr mothers. In the extreme case that that doesnt work either type these repeatedly in the loby in red letters. "achtung" "wake up" "play the game".

Now that you have succesfully got urself a game the first rule is to pick atreides as your house. You do not want harkonnen because it takes way too much skill and unit control to be a succesfull harkonnen player and ordos... well they just suck. Atreides are way too strong and have all kinds of powerfull weapons like sonics , air strikes and fremen with a combination of fast and strong tanks at the same time. So get used to atreides cause even if you suck atreides will make it up for you.

Ok, the game started you find yourself on a piece of land with an undeployed mcv (if you dont know which one of your units is the mcv, its the little guy with a machine gun in his hand) so the next step is to deploy it. This is a complicated process. First off if your land is located in a corner or at a side of the map move the mcv to the corner or to the very side and deploy there. This might take some time but in the long run it will ensure the safety of you construction yard as it will take your enemy long to get to it. Now the next step is to cover your whole land in concrete as the heavy rains on arakis make the grounds very unstable. having done that you begin develpoing your base.

First off you will need a wind trap and what this does it trpas wind and builds up air pressure wich is used by your soldiers to dry their laundry and to blow up their plastic dolls since all men have needs and there are no women availbale in battle. now that your men are satisfied you will notice more building options apear. So now you will build a refinery. Put your refinery as far way from spice as possible because you will get more milage out of your harvesters this way and your refinery wont be damaged by blowing sand storms. And if you didnt know refineries and harvesters are used to harvest spice which is used by ur men as drugs, here on earth we call it cocaine but on arakis its called spice (i dunno who is the idiot the named it spice). As you noticed you need to keep your men happy cause thats what gives life and power to your base and army.

This is important. ONLY BUILD ONE REFINERY!. The reason to it is that once you get a refinery your spice production will comence and you will not need anymore than that. Also people love killing refineries, for some reason instead of killing your heavys, yards, starports and stoping your production they will kill your refineries only and lose theyr armies. So only build 1 refinery and they will kill less of your buildings (arent i a genious?).

And also remember that you need only ONE of each building, contrary to common myth more than one factory will not build faster so dont wasted your power and money.

Now that your base is complete you can procede to build up your army. And dont worry about your base being atacked since we have wonderful BORING rules like no rush and no engs made by people with no lifes, no skills and openly gay.

So you have an army. The next step is to atack your enemy since the object of the game is to capture and destroy the enemy base and enemy units so that less packets are sent back and forth between players and the server thus making the conections faster (??!?!?? lol dont ask).

Atacking. This is a fine art. First off, DO NOT BUILD TROOPS!. they are useles men and they consume alot of spice and air pressure, if you see me build them is cause i love the sound they make when they are being squished and yell out. Now when your group atacks an enemy group the best way is to run your units into the enemy units by ordering your units to move just behind the enemy units and this is important because it ensures that even your last units get into the action. You will notice that you may lose alot of units in this manouver, however, most people build troops cause they are dumb so even if you lose your army you will hear that sweet squishing sound so its totally worht it. In some cases when you have 10x as many units as ur enemy cause you can somehow build very fast (ask griff65) that manouver can make you come out on top.

Two scenarios:

1) your winning. If you are winning it is best to make fun of your oponent even before the game is over. Keep reminding him how much he sucks and how good you are and dont forget to call him gay. Take pleasure in watching his buildings blow up and keep telling him how much he sucks, and if he makes you kill his every last unit by making you look for them all over the map tell him he is lame and ofcourse call him gay. When you get into the lobby tell everyone you won and than you beat him like a newbie. And... dont forget to call him gay again. And if he asks for a rematch tell him to @#%$ off and call him gay again.

2) Your losing (this is unlikely since these hits will make you a winner). Start complaining even before the game is over that the game was slow and laggy and tell your oponent the only reason you lost is cause he has a shitty conection. Aslo if its a 4 player game blame your ally since obviously it had to be him cause you have this awesome strategy from me so it cant be you. Tell your ally that he sux and tell ur oponents that they lag and then call them both gay. Also when you are losing try to hide your units all over the map and make it difficult for your enemy to find them since this will give you more time to insult him and call him gay. when you get to the lobby tell everyone how slow your oponent was and/or how much your ally sucked and that the reason you lost. And you must never forget to call them gay.

So in conclusion these fine carefuly tought out techniques have made me a great player very popular and loved by everyone. So if you need help just read this and dont ask me to train you cause ill bitch slap you call you and newbie and make fun of you.

If you want my "guide to cybering dune girls" please send check or money order for $10 to Tu77a.

Long Live House Ordos by ASItrike (2004):

When you are defeated, don't worry about this, do not surrender, remember this. Fight like the mantis.

Fight to die, come and allie me, we shall be in peace, and fight for the greatest.

Do not retreat, remember this treat, do not turn back, enemies can find your track.

Do not retreat, remember this treat, do not return, or you will burn.

Before you go, all weapons should be thrown, go back to base using stealth case (or something).

When you retreat, fin your red flare, and protect last fanfare.

When you are destroyed, don't worry about this, come and fight like the mantis, rebuild base quick.

Kill the enemy, you'll be the king, when you've got the spice drink.

You can feel INRA, you can't run, it comes like a missile, no way to run, and you again burn, but...

House Ordos die last, and when you're in this cast, fight for ASI, and destroy TIGRA, and be in the INRA.

Don't think you will die destroy last enemy's lie, be careful for Atreides' edge.

Find a green light, and you're back in the fight, you have won, Right!!!