thomas Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 k here is my short story now please give me opinions on it please._______________________________________________________he had no name he wanted none he needed none. He usually thought about this before a job. After he was banned from his clan he took a new life but took no name. He silently pulled out a small hollow bamboo tube out of a hidden pocket and slowly and carefully put a thin metal dart inside. bring the small tube to his pursed (SP?) lips he aligned the tube with the gaurds neck. taking a small breath he quickly blew into the tube sending the small dart onto its target. The gaurd was suprised at the piece of metal juttign out from his neck and quickly fell to the floor before the dart was even pulled from the gaurds neck, the poison works fast. He quickly jumped from his hidding place in the tree to the paraphreted wall putting away hte small tube. He quickly threw hte body over hte wall and snuck up behind another gaurd pulling out a small tanto. He should have gotten rid of it but he kept it, it reminded him of his past and sorrows so he kept it to remind him that he has no honor, he follows no bushido, he gave that up long ago. With a swift movement he had the gaurds neck in his hand, the gaurds mouth covered with hte same hand. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frodo Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 very good scytale, i was always fascinated with ninjas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanguard3000 Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Again, good stuff. I like how the character abandoned his name. It gives him a mysterious character. The ending kind of leaves you hanging, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted March 13, 2003 Author Share Posted March 13, 2003 well in truth it wasn't the ending I actually just didn't have time to finish but thanks I'll finish it later though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted March 28, 2003 Author Share Posted March 28, 2003 okie dokie time to finish this piece of literature and bad spelling.... quickly stabing the gaurds neck he pulled his tanto to hte right slashing open the gaurd jugular artery. Blood sprayed on his face and all over him. He pulled his tanto free of hte gaurds neck. The lifeless body of the gaurd fell over hte stone wall. The neck torn halfway open, the spine juting out like a nail. He didn't like seeing the faces of hte people he killed thus he also quickly got them away from him. Every person killed haunted him in his dreams. He'd see thier lifeless bodys be resurected. He crept up behind two gaurds armed with yaris. Silently he unsheathed his kamas crossing his arms. In a fluid motion he extended his arms out, the kamas slicing though thier tender neck with ease, quickly decapitating them. Arrows screamed towards him, suddenly jumping back he threw his kamas to the side and bent foward straightening his back. his Black gi ripped open by several arrows grazing his back. Flames shot out of his mouth creating a colum of fire. Screams sgot out of hte tree before him as several hidden ronin archers were caught on fire. There skin blistered with puss bubbles forming all over them. He tore of his gi revealing intricate tattos that of the Ize Zumi monks. His enemy would have to do better than that. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted April 8, 2003 Author Share Posted April 8, 2003 ... he could hear the faint clicking of zoris in the stone wall. out came a samurai in black armor with a tetsubo resting on his shoulder. The samurai stoof there, waiting for something. Like screaming banshees two ninjas jumped from the roof of a tower. One of them made wide sweeping slashes with a yari while the other, armed with a die tsuchi, made large downward swings missing but hitting the ground with tremendous force cuaseing bits of stone to fly up. He kept backing away parring the yari with his katana. The jade tsuba of his katana gleamed in the moonlight, seeming to flicker at he made quick parrys. Finally the ninja with the die tsuchi over swung causing him to stumble. quickly taking advantage of this he sliced off the ninjas head. seeing this the other ninja screamed even louder and made a charge at him, his yari straight forward. He leaped high into the air dodging the yari and plummeted his katana into the confused ninja. Blood sprayed into his covered face as he removed his sword. The black samurai with the tetsubo took a few step foward with his tetsubo resting on his shoulder. He sheathed his katana and picked up his kamas sheathing them. A small smile sppeared on hte black samurais face, two samurai with yumis walked forward. The black samurai whispered something into their ears. They took seven steps infront of the black samurai revealing their blood stained armor and black mempos shaped like..like onis faces? " I dont know who you but you're pissing me off," said hte black samurai lifting griping his tetsubo tightly... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted April 9, 2003 Author Share Posted April 9, 2003 so any ideas?? for a good picture of a tetsubo go to http://www.borderzone.com/SkeletnGrl/CrabBushiPage.htmthey have alot of good pictures that go with my story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted April 9, 2003 Author Share Posted April 9, 2003 sooooooo can I please get some suggestions for my story?. . . "So why have you come to my keep? What do you want from me? and why did you...*gurgle*" before hte black samurai could finish He already dashed forward wiht incredible speed, past the other two samurai and had his tanto shoved deep into the black samurai's throat. Before the other two samurai could react He yanked his tanto out of the samurais throat staining the armor of the samurai a dark crimson. " Wwho th...the...hell a..re y...y...you?" whispered the dying samurai gurgling up blood that ran from his mouth like a river. "Thats what I want to know" He whispered sheathing his tanto. Realizing what happened the two samurai nocked thier bows and let thier black arrows sail at Him. He turned around in time to catch the arrows with his chest. The shafts stuck out of his chest, on of them went deep into his shoulder and the other was in between two ribs. He dropped to his knees on hte ground and slumped forward as the Ize Zumi tattos on his disolved into a fine gray dust that flew away in the night breeze.ok the end tell me what you think? I'll combine hte four parts togeth soon and maybe add a fifth but right now i think its good, not I left alot of holes open in this story on purpose. so good??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted April 9, 2003 Author Share Posted April 9, 2003 he had no name he wanted none he needed none. He usually thought about this before a job. After he was banned from his clan he took a new life but took no name. He silently pulled out a small hollow bamboo tube out of a hidden pocket and slowly and carefully put a thin metal dart inside. bring the small tube to his pursed lips he aligned the tube with the gaurds neck. taking a small breath he quickly blew into the tube sending the small dart onto its target. The gaurd was suprised at the piece of metal juttign out from his neck and quickly fell to the floor before the dart was even pulled from the gaurds neck, the poison works fast. He quickly jumped from his hidding place in the tree to the paraphreted wall putting away hte small tube. He quickly threw hte body over hte wall and snuck up behind another gaurd pulling out a small tanto. He should have gotten rid of it but he kept it, it reminded him of his past and sorrows so he kept it to remind him that he has no honor, he follows no bushido, he gave that up long ago. With a swift movement he had the gaurds neck in his hand, the gaurds mouth covered with hte same hand. quickly stabing the gaurds neck he pulled his tanto to hte right slashing open the gaurd jugular artery. Blood sprayed on his face and all over him. He pulled his tanto free of hte gaurds neck. The lifeless body of the gaurd fell over hte stone wall. The neck torn halfway open, the spine juting out like a nail. He didn't like seeing the faces of hte people he killed thus he also quickly got them away from him. Every person killed haunted him in his dreams. He'd see thier lifeless bodys be resurected. He crept up behind two gaurds armed with yaris. Silently he unsheathed his kamas crossing his arms. In a fluid motion he extended his arms out, the kamas slicing though thier tender neck with ease, quickly decapitating them. Arrows screamed towards him, suddenly jumping back he threw his kamas to the side and bent foward straightening his back. his Black gi ripped open by several arrows grazing his back. Flames shot out of his mouth creating a colum of fire. Screams sgot out of hte tree before him as several hidden ronin archers were caught on fire. There skin blistered with puss bubbles forming all over them. He tore of his gi revealing intricate tattos that of the Ize Zumi monks. His enemy would have to do better than that. he could hear the faint clicking of zoris in the stone wall. out came a samurai in black armor with a tetsubo resting on his shoulder. The samurai stoof there, waiting for something. Like screaming banshees two ninjas jumped from the roof of a tower. One of them made wide sweeping slashes with a yari while the other, armed with a die tsuchi, made large downward swings missing but hitting the ground with tremendous force cuaseing bits of stone to fly up. He kept backing away parring the yari with his katana. The jade tsuba of his katana gleamed in the moonlight, seeming to flicker at he made quick parrys. Finally the ninja with the die tsuchi over swung causing him to stumble. quickly taking advantage of this he sliced off the ninjas head. seeing this the other ninja screamed even louder and made a charge at him, his yari straight forward. He leaped high into the air dodging the yari and plummeted his katana into the confused ninja. Blood sprayed into his covered face as he removed his sword. The black samurai with the tetsubo took a few step foward with his tetsubo resting on his shoulder. He sheathed his katana and picked up his kamas sheathing them. A small smile sppeared on hte black samurais face, two samurai with yumis walked forward. The black samurai whispered something into their ears. They took seven steps infront of the black samurai revealing their blood stained armor and black mempos shaped like..like onis faces? " I dont know who you but you're pissing me off," said the black samurai lifting griping his tetsubo tightly. "So why have you come to my keep? What do you want from me? and why did you...*gurgle*" before hte black samurai could finish He already dashed forward wiht incredible speed, past the other two samurai and had his tanto shoved deep into the black samurai's throat. Before the other two samurai could react He yanked his tanto out of the samurais throat staining the armor of the samurai a dark crimson. " Wwho th...the...hell a..re y...y...you?" whispered the dying samurai gurgling up blood that ran from his mouth like a river. "Thats what I want to know" He whispered sheathing his tanto. Realizing what happened the two samurai nocked thier bows and let thier black arrows sail at Him. He turned around in time to catch the arrows with his chest. The shafts stuck out of his chest, on of them went deep into his shoulder and the other was in between two ribs. He dropped to his knees on hte ground and slumped forward as the Ize Zumi tattos on his disolved into a fine gray dust that flew away in the night breeze. The two gaurds stared at their dead master, then the ninja, 'why was he so easy to kill for us but easily killed master?" one of his gaurds thought. "what is this?" the gaurd asked the other taking a folded piece of rice paper from the ninjas obi. He slowly unfolded it and read the poem inside aloud. my family is dead,he was responsible for it,now I take his life, THE END ok this is hte full story, so now please tell me what you think, I know you read it I didn't view this all 78 times bymyself ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidu Posted April 12, 2003 Share Posted April 12, 2003 It's great, but a littel bi too short.'Cmon, write another chapter... Make him some kind of a Robin Hood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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