Alexander_Ordos Posted March 1, 2002 Share Posted March 1, 2002 Ok here goes, I'd like to know your opinions since my topic about ordos was locked :O Damm this baron :'(And Administrators please don't lock this one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 1, 2002 Author Share Posted March 1, 2002 The penta-shielded doors opened and the tribesmen of Ordia were emerging from the drakness. Two ixian guards with shiny lasrifles and bright Vernius crests on their hearts, were leading the group. House Vernius gained much eficiency from the Dyonide crystal mines on Draconis IV. The D-crystals were used on many ixian inventions such as the famous holo projector or the Holzman engines, used on the Guild Highliners. The sky was dark-blue, as always on Draco. On the far horizont, the big head of icy dragon with opened mauth, was looking into the north. A young boy named Alexander was the last to get out of the mines. He was the son of tribe's leader, though it had no sence - Draconis IV fief belong to House Vernius. Today, Alexander was planing to infiltrate the ixian security post and steal some holo projectors. He heard many interesting things about them. Alex stoped and ducked under the suspensor platform, which was oveloaded with D-crystals. It's destination was the city of New Vernii. Alexander hid himself in an empty fuel container under the platform. He hoped he won't be cought - AGAIN... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacobdouds Posted March 1, 2002 Share Posted March 1, 2002 Could do with less spelling errors. Maybe a bit more introduction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 2, 2002 Author Share Posted March 2, 2002 Distrust brings curiosity and curiosity brings danger. -from Atreides honor code. The penta-shielded doors opened and the tribesmen of Ordia were emerging from the darkness. The population of Draconis IV was small. There were about 5 native tribes, that made about 40%. The ixian military presence made about 20%. The other 40% was made of crazy ixian scientists that didn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 2, 2002 Author Share Posted March 2, 2002 The platform moved slowly. Two ixian scientists were discussing something about activating the new defense perimeter in this sector, Alex thought. His tribe was speaking about freeing themselves from the ixians, though their leader doubted it.- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacobdouds Posted March 2, 2002 Share Posted March 2, 2002 You may want to leave of at a good point, something that makes you want to read the next chapter. It seems quite good so far. Keep writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 3, 2002 Author Share Posted March 3, 2002 After about 30 minutes, the s-platform reached it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 10, 2002 Author Share Posted March 10, 2002 That's Chapter 2 ( a part of it) There'll be soke problems to read it because I don't know how to change fonts in this forum... ::) You should never create a machine in the like of human -From The Great ConventionIxians began to scream. The fighting mech was shooting with his laser guns in everything that moved. The alarm was sounded. Alexander was watching with a devious smile at the confused ixians, until he saw a young native girl torn apart by a purple laser beam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted March 16, 2002 Share Posted March 16, 2002 good but keep it going please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 23, 2002 Author Share Posted March 23, 2002 Ok I'll update it soon - promised! ::) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 24, 2002 Author Share Posted March 24, 2002 That's the second part of Chapter 2:Many laser shots followed and In a few seconds the Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacobdouds Posted March 24, 2002 Share Posted March 24, 2002 Making out to be a great story, may want to try improvement of Grammer, but not majorly, keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 25, 2002 Author Share Posted March 25, 2002 I'm sorry cause English isn't my native language... I'm learning it in school as a foreign languege :-/ Anyway - To be continued! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 27, 2002 Author Share Posted March 27, 2002 First part of Chapter 3... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacobdouds Posted March 27, 2002 Share Posted March 27, 2002 Good Good. But how would you escape something like that. Stay tuned. In other words, get going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted March 30, 2002 Author Share Posted March 30, 2002 He hey ;) That's the whole point...Sorry for those boxes in the text- don't know how they appeared ::) :O ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacobdouds Posted March 30, 2002 Share Posted March 30, 2002 Annoyed, how long will it takes you to post the next chapter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dex Posted March 31, 2002 Share Posted March 31, 2002 keep your ass on its a great story the boxes are a part of font that is not supported and the story is great you could be a little faster in posting it but its written great and has a lot of suspense wondering how to escape that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted April 2, 2002 Author Share Posted April 2, 2002 I'm very sory you see I need some inspiration of Dune so I read Children of Dune now anyway already writing da second part stay tuned!!! ::) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted April 3, 2002 Author Share Posted April 3, 2002 Second part of the third Chapter...The machinery that hung above Alexander began to move towards his head. The LS monitor displayed a scheme of Alexander’s brains, based on X-Y matrix. Exact coordinates were pinpointed and numbered on the monitor. The first marker was targeted at frontal part of the brain, which was responsible for the major human brain operation – direct thinking. Another marker was placed on the part of logical thinking… Alexander was sweating – now he remembered what the word “Suboid” meant. He heard rumors between his people that ixians were aristocrats and didn’t want to spoil their hands with low-class jobs. For this, they had Suboids. Some said that they were mutants; others expected them to be a badly depredated race, but now Alexander discovered their true nature – they were created by ixians. The LS monitor displayed: Status: Preparing injection…- I hope you’ll like our facilities – said Thrigz leaving the room with a smile…There must be a way to stop this thing, thought Alex. Just then he noticed a tiny notice in green on the LS monitor: receiving… Suddenly Alexander raised his head and said in a harsh tone:- Agra dre vizte xiurb! (Execute command immediate stop!!!)Alexander still couldn’t understand where did he get it from but the system responded: Confirmed! The tight plaz belts released its prisoner. Alexander quickly arose though he felt terrible pain in his head. He was confused. Alex couldn’t understand where is he. There were no windows just dozens of medical beds and various ixian machinery blocks. From far away, Alexander could here approaching steps…- A-W-A-I-T-I-N-G COMMENTS!!!! :-/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calaban_emperor Posted April 3, 2002 Share Posted April 3, 2002 Great story,I love it! :D ;D :) 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calaban_emperor Posted April 3, 2002 Share Posted April 3, 2002 Keep up the good work! ;) :) :D ;D 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calaban_emperor Posted April 3, 2002 Share Posted April 3, 2002 You are doing GREAT! :) ;) :D ;D 8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted April 3, 2002 Author Share Posted April 3, 2002 I'll try ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander_Ordos Posted April 6, 2002 Author Share Posted April 6, 2002 third part of the third chapter :)Corlen's doesn't count... Nothing was more frightening than this ixian clinic. Alexander was running fast, heavy breathing. Some of the ixian medical beds were empty, waiting for another patient. On other beds lied sick people – all of them were natives. Luckily, still they weren’t turned into Suboids…Alex didn’t recognize them. They were probably people from the other tribes. Though most of the medical prisoners were sick and ill ugly, some were in good form. Suddenly Alexander turned backwards and saw Thrigz in the far end of the room. The boy didn’t think twice before he pressed the mass release button. Thrigz turned around and ran away in horror. All prisoners slept before they were released; now all them returned to life. At first, Alexander watched at their confused faces. He recognized Vengil – a strong man from his tribe with heavy muscles. Then, Alex jumped on the nearest m-bed and announced:- People of Draconis IV, those ixians tried to enslave you and turn into mindless Suboids! This must be stopped! But above all else we must return to our tribes and inform the leaders!When the crowd heard this, confusion left them and they stood up from the beds. - I’m Firiz from Giata tribe, - said a tall bold man with dark green eyes, - Giata shall know this!- The Xiotl will be wa…The voice broke off as suddenly everyone turned to the main door. It opened and five ixian guards entered the room. - In the name of House Vernius, - said one who looked like a commander, - Everyone will stay here and await further medical inspection!- Get down, - shouted Alexander, - Do not surrender! Again announced Alex ducking under the nearest m-bed…Some laser shots followed… They didn’t hit anyone though; it blasted a large hole in the wall. Cold breeze poured into the large room. More guards approached from the corridor. More shots… five men dead… half room burning…- No comments? :'(- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.