snc4113 Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 This is my first one, so i don't know what your gonna think, just don't be to harsh, okay?Misery and PainMisery, hostile, painNever stopping, never lesseningForgiveness counts for nothingWanting to be held, hidden from the painTake it all away, forget mistakes madeThe misery overcomes all hope.Pushing, pulling, taking what doesn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostHunter Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Looks good, I like it; real powerful and good usage of terminology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Not bad. I'd recommend a 4 line stanza instead of 3 as it tends to sound better when read. Please post these in the Poems thread at the top, that's what it's there for. As for terminology, I don't really see any and it's a weird thing to remark on anyway.??? Do you mean the many words linked to the title, such as 'hostile' and 'pain'? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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